testing...tap...tap...tap...is this thing on?

This week has been interesting on the training front. I had a great swim stroke analysis from my coach last saturday which has lead to: endless 25y's and me tucking my head down and saying to myself: hug a bear.

yes...hug a bear

WHY hug a bear? Well...i do what many swimmers do...the dreaded crossing of the arms at the beginning of the stroke. So my coach wanted me to swim as WIDE as i could as he said: you won't ever swim too wide...trust me. So my motto all week has been: hug a bear.

On a fun training front i had a fantastic meet up with a fellow blogger this week...LG...somehow convinced her some hot yoga would be fun. And it was as well as hanging out with her and discovering that while we do very different things in life we have much training outlooks that are similar. That is always a fun find because sometimes that is hard TO find.

But overall...
i know i have been a little awol on the bloggy front. I've been reading many of your blogs out there, but my comments have been few and my writing over here has been...well...sparse. I'll create only about a 1/10 of a post and that will be all i can muster mainly because i am...exhausted...bone tired. And not the good kind either...the good kind is the kind where you are tired because the training is hard and things may take a ton of energy and time but it's positive and feels good to dump all the energy into those tasks. No...it's that draining kind...the kind where you just wonder: am i at the bottom of this yet?

And the answer is always: no

and to make matters worse: i over think.

and THAT...is an understatement

so when we all go through transition or points of change or just junk it gets all that much more emotionally exhausting for me because i MULL...i THINK...i think and i think. But weirdly...i will get in this mental churn and because i'll get tired of my internal churn i will make a decision just to DO something. Just to stop the churn and I sometimes tend to disregard some of the realities.

that is me...churn and then act but weirdly act slightly impulsively just to get the mental churning to stop. because acting gets me 'unstuck'. But patience is sometimes a better plan, unfortunately...i'm not so patient...mainly how can you be patient when you can't get the churn to stop without acting?

But stuff is in motion therefor so am i

And then there is some job stuff...my job...that job...that other job...that potential job...that dream job...no you can't do THAT in your job...but you MUST do THIS in your job...you want the ability to DO your job?...here?...really?...no...i just want you to deliver anyway on the impossible project...take all the time out of your actual job and do it now....really...sooooo not kidding

this makes me...frustrated

and slightly impulsive

there is a laundry list i could go on and on about to...but i don't want to encourage the churn. So i will leave it here. i'm alive...i wish things would settle down a little bit...i wish i knew the best answer for the question(s) in front of me...oh and...sleeping would also be nice.

So *that's* what it is like to be near the front of a race!

This weekend was SOMA half ironman. I had signed up to do the race with some people through TNS training. When we signed up...they didn't know me...i didn't know them, but since the sign up and Malibu and this weekend i've gotten to know my happy little team and I was pretty excited to be doing the relay with them.

And then i was off the bike for literally 3 weeks...

And then i was poked and prodded with needles and beaten up with a foam roller...

i didn't know what to expect from my ability to spin the cranks and move those wheels. The original plan for this race was to see HOW much faster on a flat course and no swim or run I could go than Vineman. I wanted to break 3 hours since I was close to the 3 hour mark at vineman.

There was much about the weekend that was fun insanity and much about the weekend that was just unfun...predominately around the fact I almost got myself stranded in Tempe by no fault of my own as well as the fact my happy little relay had to break up due to our swimmer crashing her beautiful new bike on Saturday and making friends with the ground at 30mph. Bike crashes make me inhearantly sick to my stomach and my heart went out to her. But then to find out that due to how her handle bars crunched into her top tube on top ...she totaled her bike: double sick to my stomach.

So this was Saturday: me potentially stuck in Tempe longer than I anticipated, my relay's swimmer sporting some nice road rash, a (right) decision not to race, a totaled less than 100 mile bike and a friend wondering if a whopper of a migraine was about to strike before his race on Sunday. It wasn't boding well for well...any of us.

Saturday afternoon was packet pickup and our swimmer inquired if there was a way to do the relay without the swim...to then have the directors say: hey...ask this INSANELY fast guy to swim for you. oooookkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaay

Race morning:
Still no ride home
Meet Mr. wicked fast swimmer...he's 10 shades of excited just to swim.

The relay's are in the second wave and he ends up swimming somewhere around 27/28 minutes and is within the top 10 out of the water.

My thought: well this is kinda cool that i'm now near the FRONT of the race...but also weird and a little concerned that i'm going to get passed like i'm standing still for the rest of the day. But really nice to be near the front because there was no one out there to jocky around and worry about staying back or passing or whathaveyou. Lap 1...not as many guys passed me as I thought...Lap 2 a few more zipping past and Lap 3...now we are in the thick of everyone on the course.

I didn't like the course really because there were a lot of random U-turns on the course. I ended up hammering it a little too hard in the beginning and suffered a bit the last 5 miles. But i was pleased with my effort.

And then i saw my time...

and had to laugh...

original goal: go sub 3hours (which i totally let go of with the lack of training the past month)

Time: 3:00:29

Not quite sub 3 but sooo close!Not bad for a girl who hadn't been riding her bike!

Funnily afterwards a random girl at the relay rack decided to ask me how I did. I'll admit my little brain wasn't working 100%, but something that definately bothers me about some triathletes (and i've seen it much more so here in s.cali) is that someone's reason for asking your time is to see if they bested you. I remember blankly staring at this girl thinking: WHO ARE YOU? AND WHY DO YOU CARE???? Fortunately Brian came to my rescue and said: don't mind her...she can barely talk after races. And gave my general update. But really...why was this person asking? So weird to me.

in the end...I fortunately found a ride home on Sunday...but the process of finding one was a clusterf...and i was not a happy camper.

Sometimes I think that if i have a patch of crappiness that patch will be it for awhile and i will soon spring out of it. The weekend was fun to see friends but definitely shadowed a bit by some of the not so fun things. unfortunately...i came home to difficult and distressing topics to which I am reminded: i really am bone tired and I wish i could figure out a respite.

life does not stop

to be clear...

There have been a lot of learnings going on in this corner of the woods recently. Mainly revolving around...WHAT is going on in my hip. It spasms...it does crazy stuff...it's weird...net result...i get frusterated.

So...am in injured? Not really but i'm not 100% healthy either...ok...i'm not 100% of where I WANT to be to start something like IM training. If I were training for a half? Oh...i'd say I was totally FINE. But IM training...that's a different monster that i am sure would prey upon any imbalance that is latent in my body.

When I fell in June my acupuncturist discovered that i'm internally rotatated on my right side. In Aug I saw another guy about this and i'm rotated about 4 mm past where I should be. The best way to describe it...I have lower crossed syndrome. And in reality...i probably also have upper crossed syndrome too. For the life of me, i can't figure out how a person could have one and NOT have the other. But that's not the point.

So my conclusions to my anterior-ly rotated hip....

this didn't start in June (it was just discovered)...

and it didn't start in Nov 2007 when I fell....

nor back when I had runner's knee

Or piriformis pain

or IT band issues

But aside from the injuries caused by falling...this rotation probably CAUSED the other ones and aggressively aggravated the ones that were induced by falling and hence were so hard to overcome.

And the reality...this probably only was actually OBSERVED because i am an endurance athlete. Maybe there is something to be said for being a couch potato?

Here is my slightly wackadoodle theory (although I think i'm right)...the fact that my hip has too much of a tilt to the forward is most likely related to the fact I have played the violin since I was five....

and have TMJ...

and have back issues...

but first to understand how my wacky jaw is related to my HIP... you have to believe in fascia

and then you have to believe that the fascia are all connected together in interesting patterns and an dysfunction in a shoulder can influence the opposite hip

And once that understanding is embraced then it starts to make sense that all of the gnarly issues in my fascia from TMJ and years of playing the violin might actually be the root cause of inducing the anterior tilt in my hip. How you say? By tightening some of the back muscles, my QL got too short, which probably weakened my glutes, my hip flexors got tight (aided by cycling and running i'm sure) and it leaves me with an imbalanced weird situation.

So how does one FIX this?

Me and my foam roller are friends...ok...we are much MORE than friends.

My acupuncturist continues to work on releasing many muscles and balance them out

i stretch

i strengthen the glutes

i strengthen the core....the guy working to balance me out has me pretty convinced i'm going to have abs of steel at the end of this. I'm starting to see the separation between my obliques and rectus abdominis muscles (ie those six pack muscles) on the sides of my stomach and oh yea and the separation between the ab muscles is starting at the top. Hopefully i'm not just imagining this. ;-)

But much of this (the foam roller and acupuncture)...leaves me a little worse for wear as well as doing the things that continue to shorten the wrong muscles, like cycling and running, makes it tough to strengthen and release the right ones.

So...i took some time off over the past 2 weeks. I have barely been on my bike in the past 3 weeks...running has been minimal. But hey i think i grew gills and i'm a fish now. Never mind the fact that i'm getting defined deltoids because me and the pull bouy and paddles are becoming fast friends. Hmmm...good thing i always thought deltoids were the coolest muscle group anyway. (and probably one of the most attractive on a guy...yes I do have a thing for guys with defined delts. ) But i think this means that i need to say 'bye-bye' to cap sleeved shirts that button on the arm. I have one shirt that is like that and now it is tight in the arms and too lose in the waist. I think pretty soon i won't be able to button the sleeves. Sigh...

Its a good kind of pain, i think?

Nagging injuries, well...suck. I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of my hip injury that I have just up and decided, i'm over it. It doesn't matter that I can feel the spasm. Nope...i'm just over it. Ok...maybe i'm not over it physically...but i'm sooooooooooo over it mentally that mentally chose to deal with it as little as i can get away with.

That being said i have been 'prehabing' my hips for ironman next year. I had a lot of acupuncture after falling in May prior to Vineman which got me through vineman with the promise that post vineman i would focus on 'fixing it'. I"m in 'fixing it' mode, but the problem: it would get worse, it would get better nothing really was happening. i was secretly frustrated.

If I did X it was irritated...but only sometimes. I'd do Y on one day and nothing would be bad and then i would do Y again and i would have a massive trigger point. I wasn't getting any worse but i know i'm only at 90% and heavy loads of training would surly expose this and quickly.

For a few weeks i have been doing the strength hip thing with a person who is working to balance all of my muscles in my body prior to ironman training. I didn't have a full opinion of what he has been doing with me I was basically pondering the questions: was it working? Was this worth it?

While i didn't feel like i was making much progress, I had decided to just give it a shot and see what would happen and then last week I sent him an email: oh by the way whatever you did to me...i have a big 'ol unhappy trigger point in the psoas. not in pain...but definitely irritated.

So this week his response: that shouldn't have happen if it is psaos originated.

Me in my head:ok buddy then what do you suggest. most people won't suggest anything so here i am with the bitter knowledge that we might be treating something that isn't the right thing.

Him: Let's try something else...let's see if something ELSE is what the problem is. Maybe it is a quad strain?

And miracle of miracle...we found it. I get a referred trigger point that is typical of psoas pain and what i had when i fell the first time, but this time...i have a different irritated/strained muscle. Lots of poking and prodding of the muscle and it now...HURTS.

But i'm encouraged. Finding the root cause means we can fix it. Before it just seemed like guess work and i wondered if i was every going to get 100% better.

i'm in for some acupuncture tomorrow and i'm sure she will electrocute me in the process...literally. Not a fun thing when someone hooks electrodes up to needles that are IN your body...but it stopped the other spasm before.

in the meantime...ice and heat and oh what was that? Oh yea rest a little bit? that's a hard one.

a slippery sliding slope

many times in life we just climb, climb, climb and climb. wondering where the top is. Wondering what is on the other side. Wondering...when the stupid mountain will stop towering in front of us. And then there are other times when we don't realize we are on a precipitous slope that is about to give way underneath us and send us crashing down the hill. And while the tumultuous fall down the side of the slope is unnerving...it is important to get down the hill to see what is in store next. The disconcerting thing is: we don't know when we will stop sliding.

i am in a little bit of a free fall right now. i'm trying to kick my hands up in the air like it is a roller coaster ride and just enjoy the free fall, but i still have a little bit of that 'sick to my stomach feeling' you get when in free fall and desperately want to cling to a tree on the side of the mountain.

So here are some learnings of this free fall just this week:

• I hate the word: opportunity... especially when it is used to depict crap. Crap is crap. it is not opportunity and it SURE does not smell like it either. Please just call a spade a spade.
  
• being a home owner isn't the end all and be all in life. I will not be buying this condo...and i will not be purchasing anything in the near future. Many things pointed to the reality that: It was not the right time for me. I am at peace with that.
• winning 'fake points' during a velodrome class...is still really fun. Even if you suspect the other person let you win. (ok this isn't really a 'free fall' type of learning...but a general learning from the week.)
• When real opportunity does knock on the door and speaks sweetly...it is scary and you start to wonder: is it really on the other side? And it may or may not be...but the belief that it might is very exciting. Even if the level of sacrifice is high...
• when in freefall...relax...it could take you where you've never dared to dream. And while those dreams are just dreams...you start to realize how valuable they are when you say: i would give up XYZ for it. And you never realized you WOULD give up XYZ.
  
• what happens to a dream deferred? you fight harder if the chance comes round again. you fight like you have nothing to lose because you realize you may only get one chance this time around.
  

just trying to relax as i slide down and hope of new things that might be in store.

bike shopping

ahhhh...yes...i am shopping for a tri bike. Me being me...i started out over analyzing the situation and almost feeling like I needed to know EVERYTHING about the bike and what i may or may not want before jumping into the process. I finally told myself to : chill out...have fun riding some bikes.

So...i've started having some fun riding some bikes. So I'm sure you will see a lot of MY opinions on various bikes...but they are just that MY opinion. We all ride differently and like different things so these are just what I have observed and what I like. What i learned from my track bike buying experience is that if I ride some bikes...the bike will 'speak' to me so to say...and i'm sure i will be able to figure out what I want from there.

I only managed to squeeze in two bike this weekend...but I decided to start with the standard bike you see EVERYWHERE at a tri...the Cervelo. I know a few people who swear by the Cervelo...and a few who HATE the cervelo...i just wanted to know what the fuss was all about, so I gave one a go.

i'm not a super duper short woman...5'4" AND i have a long torso...so i thought I would be set with tribikes and not have to have the tiny size with the tiny wheels. (i have a somewhat irrational/rational disdain for 650 wheels at the moment...it's boarderline funny) so I was rather surprised when the 51cm bike did not fit me. I had to go down to the tiny 49...with the tiny wheels.

I got to ride it around for a solid 20minutes and the words that came to mind when i road it were: squirrelly, playful, puppy, and yes...giggle. I don't know where the word giggle came from, but I found the bike very puppy-like. I read roadbike reviews and the commentator has some eloquent speech about the bike's handling and this or that...that's not me. I also didn't like the geometry all that much at first...i felt like i had my knees in my belly the whole time (even though they weren't touching and I basically got a bike fit before they sent me out to test ride it. So i know i was set up...props to the Trek store). I chalked it up to never having been on a true tribike and only been on my roadbike with aerobars. I anticpated the difference, but I guess my take away was while the bike is supposed to be fast...it just didn't 'feel' fast to me. (it doesn't mean that's not a fast bike...don't get me wrong...again...my opinion...and i don't get to wind tunnel or time trial these bikes so this is from a 20minute test ride...what do I know? Not a whole lot from this).

Then onto...a very 'gucci' bike as i will now refer to it. A friend of mine works at a bike shop and had told me that they had just gotten some Specalized in my size. I somehow interpreted that to mean: we have these specalized built up. I'm a little dense sometimes. I must have not heard him...so I asked if i could come and try one out to check my size in a Specalized time trial bike. I thought that they had the Specalized Comps built up. I show up...um...no...the only one built up in my size is the fancy high end gucci bike. The gucci bike...the Specalized S-Works transition...it's pretty hawt and the fit is pretty much perfect. Oh my...me wants it. I didn't get to ride it much, but it was a better fit than the P2...and no silly small wheels either...it also just felt right. But that much for a bike...you'd HOPE so.

But the takeaway at the moment is that the Specalized size/geometry could work for me. But i've just started the shopping...and it's FUN. On the list of bikes to try out:
Kestral
Cannondale Slice
Orbea
Felt
Giant
Jamis (if i can find my size)
Guru

Any others i'm missing? I think i can find all of these in my size somewhere in this town.

this is fun ...:-)

Will race for cookies!

This weekend was the Malibu triathlon...where on Saturday there was an olympic distance race and on Sunday was the Star studded sprint distance race that raised money for Children's Hospital of LA. I picked up this little gem of a t-shirt at the race. I do embrace this M.O. In gradschool someone asked me why I did triathlons and I turned to them and said: so i can eat ice cream. I dont' think he believed me but I was being honest. That is one thing I am looking forward to with Ironman training...being able to keep icecream in the freezer. The little perks of training...right?

Since Vineman i have been somewhat 'offseasoned' and mainly have had a training regime of 'do something' for 5-6 days a week. I've been riding my bike some, running a little, swimming occasionally (so as not to forget how) and lifting weights frequently with an attempt to strengthen the hips as well as completely undo all the weirdness I did to my hip when I injuried it. Interesting stuff how the body compensates for an injury. I think i may have developed my amazing heel striker ability partly due to this injury...but that is a topic for another time.

Coming into the race I had little expectation. I may have only done one 'proper' olympic distance of 1500m/40K/10k. I've done a few that area 'around' that length, but really only OC tri last year is one of the same distance. Comparing the two...i PR'd on Saturday for an OLY distance. My favorite was to see a 6 minute improvement in my bike split...granted my bike split at Malibu includes stopping and get off my bike to pee.

Not having a lot of focus on the race both training or expectations is sorta a weird spot to race. My legs felt weird, not really springy...so I just went with it. My swim pace was a little slow...but there was a lot of swells out there. My bike pace included a pit stop...so who knows how fast I was going. And my run pace was pretty solid around an 8:40 avg...which I was surprised by since i really just distracted myself by following my foot turnover the whole time. (90-96 footfalls/min)

Sunday I hung around and cheered other TNSers on and watched all the celebrities race alongside everyone. Saturday is a smaller field and you don't have to deal with all the poparazzi. I liked the size of the field much better than how big Sunday was.

The weekend was pretty awesome all around. I had a solid race (which I have sense discoverd I in the top 25% of my age group), got to reconnect with some friends and make some new friends.

And yes...i did have a cookie. :-)